Will Work For Pie

When I was freelancing years ago for The New York Times, I figured out at one point that they were paying me under 50 cents a word for the twice-monthly columns I wrote. That was not a surprise; most writers know that there’s not much money in freelancing for papers, especially ones like the Times.

But one day my editor called with a weird proposition. They were running short, under-300-word reviews of local restaurants, and he wondered if I could contribute some. I asked about payment. “We used to pay about $50 each,” he said, “but now we have these coupons for pie.”

I have some trouble hearing, so I’m always second-guessing myself and asking people to restate what they just said. My editor explained that a fancy bakery near the newspaper had given them these vouchers and they were using them as a way to thank people.

Or that’s how I took it.

I misheard. Actually, instead of paying with money, they were paying with these coupons because their budget was so meager for this particular section. They needed the reviews just the same; they just couldn’t pay for them.

There’s so much wrong with this picture. I mean, in order to write any decent restaurant review, you still have to eat at the place. So they weren’t even reimbursing reporters for the food they had bought, but instead offering them dessert.

Like any brainless freelancer, I said yes and started working these capsule reviews into my reporting/writing schedule. If anyone asked, I’d say I was writing restaurant reviews for The New York Times. It was true. They didn’t need to know that it was for the New Jersey section of the paper, how short they were, or the terms.

I did a bunch of these reviews. And because I had misheard the editor, believing the pie thing to be a joke or perhaps an extra thank-you, I actually invoiced them $50, plus expenses, for each review. They always paid. But after each one, I’d get a coupon in the mail for a free pie at the fancy bakery. I finally had a stack of these coupons and collected a few hundred dollars before accounting caught on and the editor had to call, embarrassed, to explain the situation.

I redeemed those coupons very infrequently, I must say. The shop was in an inconvenient location and the one time I called to claim a bunch of pies for a party I was attending, the baker-in-chief told me that I could only get two free pies at any one time with those coupons. To make things worse, the pies were a little on the small side. But they were delicious.

It remains one of the strangest ways I’ve ever been paid for my work. And for a little while, perhaps a summer or so, I liked to think of myself as being the hit of parties when I showed up with two boxes of free pie and a story of professional debasement and exploitation to boot.

Science geek weekend

On the road this weekend with my wife, who is close to wrapping her nonfiction WWII book. We’re visiting a so-called “secret city” in Tennessee—one of three the U.S. government built during WWII to work on various aspects of the atomic bomb. While Denise met with some of her interviewees, I was instructed to snap some photos of the nearby science fair.

The book’s out next spring from Simon & Schuster. You can learn a little about it here, and follow Denise’s Manhattan Project images here.

Interviewed by Robert Swartwood

I am pleased to be the guest on Robert Swartwood's podcast today. I'm a fan of Robert's work, especially his girl-assassin thriller No Shelter and his shimmering twist on the zombie novel, The Dishonored Dead.

In the podcast, we talk about a bunch of stuff, but mostly my weird brush with fame in the HuffPo incident, my current exasperation with free books, a humorous new video from Random House, and other fun.

The link to the podcast is here.

I hope you will check it out.

Read something periwinkle blue today

I was talking to a book publicist who told me that her company’s sales force often gets purchasing requests from major lifestyle/home furnishing chain stores (think Restoration Hardware, Pottery Barn, Anthropologie, Urban Outfitters) for books whose covers match certain Pantone colors, which the store’s designers can use to both decorate the store—and sell to customers.

Pantone colors are the world’s color-matching system. It’s what everyone in the design field uses to make sure they’re all talking about the same color.

So if you’re decorating a store with festive umbrellas and overpriced picnic gear for the summer season, you might want to be selling books about festive drinks or barbecuing tips or lawn care whose covers match the damned umbrellas.

No one reads this way, of course: “Hon, can you bring out some lemonade and a book that matches the throw pillow on the lawn furniture? No, the throw pillow. I read something the color of the ice bucket last weekend.”

But it sure makes stores look pretty.

Stop with the free

I’ve been thinking of writing something about how I’m sick of free ebooks, but Russell Blake beat me to it. I’m lazy so I’ll just give you his link in a second.

Right now I have 13 “pages” of unread books on my Kindle. That’s 149 books, short stories, novellas, etc. Most of them were downloaded free during the Great Giveaway of 2012, which is still going on but ended for me when I realized I had somehow managed to duplicate on my device what was already going on in my basement.

Down there, I have hundreds of books I haven’t yet read. I used to be a guy who only bought books when I had finished what I was reading. But somehow I got away from that. I started buying books I was going to read. Someday. And I ended up with an expensive pile of books I shuttle from house to house when I move.

I’m determined to read and possibly review all the stuff on my Kindle. A lot of those books are by writers like me who are striking out on their own. They can use the reviews. But to do it, it means I’m probably going to say no to downloading more free books for the time being. And I’ll stop buying ones I think I might like until I’ve worked through the ones I have.

I’ll be exercising a little thing called restraint.

These days, I’m trying to pay attention to the ways I make buying decisions, because they might be clues to how readers think. If other people feel the same way, if they’re choking on books they haven’t read due to the efficiency of Amazon’s KDP Select program, then it’s likely going to impact a lot of authors.

Russell talks about this passionately here. You should check it out.

An exercise in empty provocation

For some reason The Huffington Post featured an excerpt from one of my latest books, Stuff Every American Should Know, on their book page yesterday. The excerpt, designed as a slide show, is the top story in that section right now (will change soon, no doubt) with 1,906 comments as I’m writing this. The other metrics are astonishing, at least to me and my wife/co-author. We’ve never had a blog post associated with one of our books garner, at last glance, 6,780 Facebook likes, 79 Tweets, 32 mentions on Google Plus, 304 emails, and 1,616 Facebook shares.

That’s nice, even cool. But it’s also weird.

The excerpt is from a section in the book where we listed 10 books we thought Americans should read, though HuffPo modified it on the jump to headline: “10 Books Every American NEEDS to Read.” (Their caps.)

I don’t think there’s anything controversial on this list. It’s got everything from Common Sense by Thomas Paine to Silent Spring by Rachel Carson. We made the selections with the help of our editor, and I remember being pretty frustrated about the selections.

How can you pick just 10? What does it mean to pick just 10? If we can only pick 10, given the thrust of our book, shouldn’t we pick titles that somehow comment on key points in American history or which were historically significant in some way? We tried our best. Any list like this is always going to be idiosyncratic in some way. So be it. Duh.

The comments to HuffPo’s post are just what you’d expect: jokey (“Americans read?”), helpfully suggestive (“I’d pick Moby Dick, Fahrenheit 451…”), proud tallying (“I’ve read 9 out of the 10!”) and angry/snarky (“I can’t believe they didn’t pick X!” “This list is the usual crap!”)—and worse. We were frankly amazed how worked up some people got by the choices.

Though we checked the comment count as it rose all day yesterday, we didn’t jump into the fray. It didn’t really feel like it was our argument to join. I daresay most people didn’t realize that the article was excerpted from a book; in fact, some people made it clear by their comments and Tweets that they thought HuffPo had made the picks. We received only one Tweet from a stranger complimenting us on the post, and no new Twitter follows yesterday, if that’s any any gauge.

If I had just come across this article on my own, without having any connection to it, I probably would have looked at the picks and moved on. No comment. It’s another 10 Things post. I see the reaction HuffPo got as somehow indicative of how efficient the web is at wasting our time than anything else. 

A writer friend wrote to ask how our sales were doing in light of the post. The book’s rank was in the mid-five figures on Amazon prior to the story breaking. It’s under 2,000 now, and judging from Novelrank, which I use to gauge sales, we probably sold about 10 or 15 books—nice, but far less than 1 percent of all likes/shares/Tweets/emailed things. But bear in mind that the book came out Tuesday, so it’s still at the very “peak” of its selling cycle.

My wife Denise interview on WNYC this morning

My wife and co-author Denise Kiernan was interviewed this morning by WNYC radio’s Celeste Headlee, on the morning show The Takeaway. The subject was our new book, Stuff Every American Should Know, out this week from Philly publisher, Quirk Books.

This blog has moved! Go here...

Some important news! This blog is moving to a new address, effective...like, two minutes ago.

As I’ve been making more friends among readers and writers, it’s become more important to me to have a place where we can have a conversation, and this blog is no long the most convenient place to do that. 

For now, the website is staying, the blog is moving here to the Tumblr platform.

The RSS feed is here.

I look forward to seeing some of you in the new space.

Old blog gone. New blog here.

I got tired of the old blog so I canned it and moved here so I can have a site with all the jimmies. Please bookmark this URL or RSS feed. And please note you can leave comments. Yay. And please note that the rest of my main site is still functional; not ready to scrap it just yet.

I can’t imagine that anyone reading this would lament the loss of the old blog, but in case you do want access to those old posts, you can still link to the old blog here, and access the old blog archive here. (For what it’s worth, when I’m feeling ambitious I may transfer some of that content over here, but that’s a project for a rainy day.)

Though this is a Tumblr blog, I intend to use it primarily for text posts, mostly news on my work, and my thoughts on writing and publishing, and maybe occasional interviews.

I do actually keep a second, quasi-anonymous Tumblr blog, which I use to indulge in my interest in book covers, with a particular emphasis on genre book covers. Feel free to follow it too if you enjoy that sort of thing. If you’re an author and you’ve got a cover you love, send it my way and maybe I’ll put it up there.

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