Affiliate Ass Clown

A friend sent me this link to a video on YouTube that references one of my books. Only it’s not really a video. It’s 1:40 of the following image, which invites you to click at the link below to “legally download” my book. 

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When you click on said link, it takes you to Amazon’s top 4-star Kindle books:

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The YouTube account user is hoping you’ll buy something and they’ll make some money off the affiliate link. I’ve seen a lot of affiliate link sites but this is the first time I’ve seen people using YouTube accounts to get people to click.

The funny thing? This book of mine, Blockhead: The Life of Fibonacci, is only available as a children’s hardcover picture book. I never licensed the e-book rights.

Denise Kiernan. That's me.: The Next Big Thing

denisekiernan:

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Recently, my husband, author Joseph D’Agnese, “tagged” me in his “The Next Big Thing” blog post. “Next Big Thing” works like this: one writer answers some questions about her next book and then passes that blog post along to other writers she knows, “tagging” them. (See end of this post for…

How I spent 2012

So: 2012 happened. The holidays were a blur and then the two of us were down and out with a cold and/or flu, so I didn’t have much time to write the obligatory Best Books of 2012 post, or even the obligatory Resolutions post. Truth this, I hate that stuff. Which is why I haven’t done it. 

Last year I compiled a list of things I did in 2011 that were somehow noteworthy. And while I was sick, I combed through my calendar and notebooks to see what I actually achieved in 2012. It’s a lot, but it’s still somehow disappointing, which I’ll explain shortly. I’m trying to keep this post short so I’ll just hit the highlights.

WORD COUNT: Near as I can figure, I cranked out 258,111 words on writing I hoped to sell as a book or e-book. This figure does not include journalistic work, which only amounted to about 2,000 words. Of the 258K figure, 80,000 represents a ghostwritten project that I wrote for someone else. (During a marathon writing period in February 2012, I wrote write 70,000 words of that nonfiction book in 21 days. I’m weirdly proud of that. Just wish I could do the same for my own work.) The rest of my 2012 output—the remaining 175K words—consisted of a novel, 13 short stories, and the start of a children’s book. 

SHORTS: That said, I wish I hadn’t wasted so much of my time on short stories. In some cases, I was writing them because I needed something to clear my head while I working on various ghostwriting and editing projects. Ghost projects often feel like they’re going to go on forever; writing short stories became a way to help me break up the monotony. Thanks to this habit, I got back into the groove of submitting those stories, and saw four of them accepted in some way in 2012. (Look for another 2012-written short to appear in AHMM this year.) Going forward, though, I don’t want to devote much time to shorts in 2013. I would have been able to finish a second novel if I had focused solely on novels and novellas.

FICTION: Early 2012 saw me proofing and polishing The Mesmerist. I pubbed that book in spring. I wrote most of Marshal of the Borgo in 2012, and polished Arm of Darkness, which pubbed a few weeks ago. Marshal will take some more time, maybe another month. Going forward in 2013, I’ll be working on two novels and at least one novella.

GHOST PROJECTS: I coaxed three of these projects into being this year. This is where the bulk of my income comes from, so I can’t ignore this sector. But it’s really hard to write books for other people. You’re constantly doing things by committee, consisting of your “author,” your editor, agent, publisher, and an army of production people. And when the publisher wants a memo on the “author’s” platform, guess who is expected to crank that out? By contrast, work-for-hire books are infinitely preferable, but by definition don’t come with a percentage of the royalties. If these ghostwritten books do well when they come out, I’m contractually owed a sizable cut of the royalties. So yeah, I may not talk about them in much detail on this site, but you better believe I’m rooting for them to succeed. I’m still in the trenches on three of these ghost books, and no doubt there will be more of these in the future. If I had a resolution in all this, I guess it would be to move beyond ghostwriting. Hence my commitment to self-publishing.

HOLLYWOOD: One of these ghost projects actually led to a bonafide Hollywood option, which was a hilarious process. Maybe they’ll actually get the thing made, but who knows. I regard it as something of a joke. More on this if it develops into anything beyond a signed piece of paper.

ATOMIC: I spent a lot of time traveling with Denise to collect last-minute research. And I spent a lot of time editing and proofing that book through each of its stages. Thankfully, her book is two months from pubbing. Good to see it off our plates. She’s now mired in the pre-pub marketing stuff trad publishers ask you to do.

BLOGS: I moved to the Tumblr platform, which has made it easier to interact with all three or four of you. I now have three blogs: Daggyland, Honor the Bookman (which focuses on book covers), and Reubenologist (which tells you at a glance why I’ll end up with a cardiac arrest one of these days). The last two are quasi-anonymous and they’re done more for fun than self-promotion.

That’s about it. 2012 was also about hanging with friends, getting a new deck, doing more gardening, eating and drinking tons of food, traveling to a few new places for work or fun, losing more old friends, and meeting quite a few new ones. All said, I think I’m really lucky to be able to support myself as a freelance writer. And I’m very grateful for those of you who’ve helped me pull it off.

#AdventGhosts2012

Today I’m participating in the 100-word #adventghosts2012 flash fiction event run by writer Loren Eaton. Here’s my piece. Some back-story follows…

Befana

Epiphany morning, Arturo Saverio — literary scholar, occasional poet, and more frequent goat butcher — found a spectral hag poking his kitchen fire with a broom. 

“La Befana! I have longed to see you ever since childhood! Mamma told me I was foolish to believe. But then, she never thought I’d amount to anything.”

“Caffè!” screeched the hag. Her lips looked as if she’d been chewing coal.

Saverio brewed espresso.

The witch hobbled to a chair, dragging her flaming broom after her. “Oops.”

Whoosh.

Later, she warmed herself in the glow of the writhing, burning man.

“Eh. Maybe your mamma was right.”

Author’s note:

My mother grew up believing not in Santa Claus but in La Befana—a witch who supposedly brought gifts to good little Italian kids on Twelfth Night, which many Christians celebrate as the Feast of the Epiphany. That feast commemorates when the wise men beheld the Christ Child in the manger. That encounter was regarded as a critical moment, a meeting of two cultures:

—Gentiles, meet Jesus.

—Jesus, meet three dudes who symbolize the rest of the outside world that will adore you.

According to Italian legend, the hag known as La Befana was invited by the Magi to meet the Christ child but turned it down because…she had too much housework to do. (Pausing here for your ?!?!) Later realizing the error of her ways, La Befana committed to traveling the world (or at least Italy) on Twelfth Night, leaving presents at the home of every child.

That origin story varies greatly, but it’s the one that I first heard, so I’m sticking to it. These days, Italians do actually embrace Santa Claus (they call him Babbo Natale) but purists still root for the hag. When we lived in Rome, we’d see these Christmas stalls set up in Piazza Navona where people were selling tons of little La Befanas.

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Copyright 2003 Denise Kiernan

That, in part, is why I chose La Befana as my subject  The way I figure, it’s bad enough extending an annual invitation to a hirsute fat man to climb down your chimney. What would it be like to expect a toothless, immortal witch?

I encourage you to visit the entries of other writers taking part in this event.

ARM OF DARKNESS is out now!

ARM OF DARKNESS. A mysterious demonic stranger intrudes upon the lives of unsuspecting people, forcing them to make choices with horrific consequences. Six short stories.* * *His hand is fashioned from the night sky.  It is powerful, dark, deadly.  …

ARM OF DARKNESS. A mysterious demonic stranger intrudes upon the lives of unsuspecting people, forcing them to make choices with horrific consequences. Six short stories.

* * *

His hand is fashioned from the night sky.

It is powerful, dark, deadly.

He dwells in the world’s oldest mountains and always comes bearing gifts.

Truth is, he cares nothing for you. He is a trickster, a prankster, a demonic being who desires only to wreak casual violence on every human he meets.

He’s about to offer you a bargain.

Piece of advice? Don’t trust him.

* * *

ARM OF DARKNESS contains six short stories—Skullworm, Roadhouse, Glow, Kin, Sunshine Lady and the origin story, Arm of Darkness—for a total of 30,000 words. Three novel excerpts are also included in this e-book.

Available:

Kindle (US)

Kindle (UK)

Nook

iPad

Kobo

Smashwords

Paperback

Writer? Don't go anywhere.

It’s funny. We got a call today from our local bookstore. Would we stop by to sign two of our books? A customer had bought them, asked for them to be signed by us, and said she’d stop by later to pick them up and mail them to her relatives in California for Christmas.

We encourage this. We have longstanding agreement with all the stores in driving distance that we’ll do this. We even mention it on our websites so people will order from them. 

So this was a rush. Time was of the essence.

We both had some business to take care of. Conference calls on Denise’s end. More couch-moping on mine. But we packed ourselves into the car and drove downtown.

As we were driving around looking for parking, it hit me: If I had to park my car in the local garage, I’d instantly nullify my profit on these two books. I don’t know I make it any clearer to people who keep telling me that they want to have a book published by a “real” publisher.

Parking = your royalty.

Luckily, we were able to park for free in a loading zone.

Now if the car had been towed…

First ever appearance in Hitchcock's Mystery Magazine

Returned home from our trip with a nasty head cold, so I’ll be working from the couch today and perhaps tomorrow. But I had to share this image of the new issue of Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine (AHMM). The hard copy issue hits stands tomorrow,…

Returned home from our trip with a nasty head cold, so I’ll be working from the couch today and perhaps tomorrow. But I had to share this image of the new issue of Alfred Hitchcock’s Mystery Magazine (AHMM). The hard copy issue hits stands tomorrow, but digital versions are already out, which is how I spotted this.

Needless to say, I was blown away by the cover mention. The inside note from the editor is also pretty nice, and my piece (“Button Man”) is the lead story. All pretty cool, unexpected and humbling for my first outing in this publication, to say the least.

Links to the digital editions are: Amazon, Barnes & Noble, Apple iPad, Zinio, Magzter, and Sony.

Radio link coming

The radio interview went really well. Talking live on the air for an hour is always nerve-wracking but we managed to relax and have fun. I don’t have an mp3 yet. When they release it, I’ll post it. It might be later in the week because I’m on the road.

I did manage to screw up one thing in the interview, which bugged me all the way up the coast. Seven hundred miles of self-hatred. I managed to forget what was emblazoned on Woody Guthrie’s guitar: “This machine kills fascists.” I’ve known the line for years but when it came out of my mouth, I was spewing every possible thing under the sun: anarchists, tyrants, etc.

Oh well.

Made it up the coast. Visiting some friends and editors this week. Will let you know what’s what when I have something to report.